Tag Archives: advice

Agreeing to Disagree: The Ugly Truth

Lately, I have found myself in conflict whether it’s due to hormones raging, spring rain, or simply learning to speak the truth. I’ll never know. I have always been one to reply immediately to an email, a text, or a call as I hate having to deal with things later. Instead of avoiding conflict I tend to quickly push for it so that it’s over with. To clarify, when I say conflict I mean conversation and not necessarily passionate argument. Recently, I’ve been using less tact which has caused me to be in some uncomfortable situations.

What have I learned from this?  

That it is totally okay. It’s totally okay to not only disagree with someone but sometimes it’s worth the consequence of living in unsettled conflict. Now, I’m not giving you permission to be a jerk just because you have an opinion. Rather, I’m realizing that it’s okay to say your peace, work through it, and then if you don’t come to an agreement to walk away unsettled.

In the past, I would stop at nothing to create a resolution. Sometimes there is no resolution. Sometimes you have to pray and trust that the actions you take and the words you speak are coming from a good place and let that be that. If it’s coming from a good place there’s no need to be defensive, no need to use hurtful words or actions. You can simply speak your mind. Yet, I urge you to pray that the words you choose come from logic and heartfelt sincerity and not anger, jealousy, or revenge. Before engaging in the inevitable conflict wait to respond, don’t rush into it in order to get over with. This is when you can run into trouble for when we rush to act or speak we can say things that are not necessary and cause unintended harm.

Conflict can either create chaos in your mind or it can provide clarity. I choose to embrace conflict as it allows me to stay true to my beliefs, to stay loyal to those I love, and to grow from new perspectives gained. Embrace the ugly truth that agreeing to disagree is simply a mature way of living in conflict without it impacting your life in a negative way.

xoxo,

Blonde Chick

Get the Funk Out

Ever wake up and automatically feel defeated? Like you’re not progressing in the way you want, as quickly as you want etc.. and suddenly you’re a victim of the success you’re trying to achieve? Clearly, writing from personal experience. I’ve felt this many times. I’ve woken up and just wanted to stay in bed and not deal.  I’ve even gone the point of over action in order to fix the problem I think I’ve identified.  So if you’re like me,  how do you get out of the funk and back to reality? Here are 4 things I force myself to do and sure enough it snaps me back into reality and out of my funk!

1. Take a shower.

Yes, go take a shower. Strip away the literal funk of the day and in doing so you are giving yourself a break, a minute or (20) to rinse away the stress. Taking a shower gives forces you to unplug and delve into your thoughts. Take the time to get clear. Once you step out the shower, you are starting into a clean, fresh mindset. Don’t let the insecurities and fear you have keep you in a funk you don’t deserve.

2. Show Up.

90% of success is showing up. If you want something you have to go after it, and in order to go after it you have to be present.  Even if you’re in a job, or a place that ultimately you don’t want to be you have to show up. You have to alway give your best. Every step, every choice you make along the way shapes your character. So on those days that you feel defeated and want to stay in bed – those are the days that you have to commit to your success and show up.

3. Call a friend.

Can’t get out of the funk on your own? Call a friend. Call your mentor. Call someone you can vent to, but make sure it’s someone who will also challenge you. Someone who can help you see the bigger picture. Sometimes just a 10-minute chat can help clear the fog out of your head and get you back on track. For me, it’s talking to my hubby on our goals or my sister. Doesn’t really matter but make sure you trust them and that they have no problem calling you out.

4. Make a list.

Get out a pen and a piece of paper to take stock of your life. From a professional standpoint, but also a personal one. You want to truly see what’s happening in your life so that you can see how each little decision is leading you towards accomplishing  your goals. In making this list, it causes you to reflect. If you’re not happy about your job then change it. Or maybe you’re happy with aspects of your current role, but not all of it. Creating a list of your reality can help you identify an action plan.

Ultimately, it’s about progressing forward. Don’t stop, don’t quit and always show up. Constantly moving towards a goal is key to not falling into a permanent funk.

xoxo,

Blonde Chick

Ready to get lost?

We have been conditioned to believe that you have to know what you want at 18 – make the choice – then at 21-22 be ready to live out that choice forever. Yet, when my generation hit 21-22 that changed. We no longer had the Promised Land laid out for us. There were people our parent’s ages vying for the same jobs we were. We were left confused, (some of us) unemployed, on top of mounting student loan debt, moving back in with our parents and so forth. This all topped off with a promise of change.

We lived (and in many ways are still living) in an environment of false security, and empty promises.

Ultimately, there was doubt. Personally, I questioned every move I made. Is this right one? If I do this – will my future career suffer, will I never be able to live out my dreams? Am I settling? Was school a waste? etc…

Finally, I stopped. I stopped making excuses. I stopped living in that awful black hole of ‘what if.’ Instead, I looked at my life and the opportunities I had ahead of me. And breathed.

Why can’t I just do what I want? Why do I have to have all the answers all the time? Why am I constantly planning? Why won’t I allow myself to get lost? To screw up? To live in the present.

We must look forward to exploration, discovery and adventure. Instead of getting caught up in our own moments of despair and wonderment, and the what if’s – we must channel our drive and be willing to get lost. Not lost as in wandering aimlessly rather – let’s be lost. Lost with intention.

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien