No pants, no shoes, new mom.

I finished Girls’ final season late last week. In the episode, the character Hannah was found walking around without pants or shoes on outside. The officer who had stopped asked what she was doing. Her response was “well I just had a baby.”  End of discussion. It was such an accurate portrayal of how it actually feels to become a new mom. Everyone’s journey to motherhood is different. Everyone’s is difficult its own right.

Recently, I was discussing how I believe my emotional journey began the minute Lennon was born. By that I mean, I used to be apathetic. I rarely let things bother me (even when they should’ve). I let things go quickly and I wasn’t truly passionate about any cause. Having Lennon has changed me in the obvious ways and not in the so obvious ways. She’s from the inside out.

I have found that I care much less about what others think. In that, I value their thoughts without allowing them to sway my belief. Although, my desire to understand their perspective has deepened. I have found that the persistence I had before is nothing compared to what is now. I have learned that my gut is 99.9% always right. I have learned that I don’t have to like everyone. I don’t have to let things go when people wrong me. To clarify, I don’t mean It’s okay to hold grudges or dwell on anger. I do mean it’s okay to recognize the wrongdoing, move on, but not cave to their thinking. 

I say my emotional journey began with Lennon. I’m not sure it really did. I just now recognize in order to raise her to be the independent, strong, and capable woman she will one day be I have to show her what that looks like. To me, it starts with mastering my emotions, sticking up for what I believe in, and not giving others my power.

I may be found not wearing shoes, no pants and walking around seemingly aimless. The truth is, I don’t have to explain anything. I’m a new mom.